Venturing into new territory. Business conference this weekend with my childhood bestie. And yes we look like sisters.
Thoughts on all this new data on investing is swirling. It’s like a tent meeting for stewarding your money world instead of your inner world.
After two plus years of ministry school, I’m enjoying the balancing equilibrium.
I’m sitting in my favorite my spot in town for thinking and good coffee - processing through something that happened this weekend. In order to properly figure out what on earth is going on in my heart and why this pain I am in feels so strangely good, I must look for a revelation of something, anything. At least my soul is awake to pain, this is a good step.
I heard from someone I should never have heard from again. I have not been able to understand what bothered me about getting their message. Although they had violated my heart in the past, I am not unsafe now.
Was it the surprise at hearing from someone from this past relationship? Why was my reaction an intense adrenaline rush and a desire to cry?
Ruminating over it today, I remembered the place I grew up in. The mesmeric sphere of families and dynasties that still create their own worlds of belief and introspection. The inner lives of the humans in these circles hot messes of broken dreams and crushed spirits.
Why do these situations seem similar?
Why the pained dismay at the devaluing of my request for distance?
I am not being taken at my word. The weight of what I have to say has been completely thrown aside. In this person’s persistent desire for intimacy, trust & respect are lacking.
This has led to understanding an innate core value.
Any situation that refuses to take my word as something of value is one in which the essence of who I am is rejected and I may as well become a decorative trophy.
Perhaps there we come to the root of it, the place I grew up in did view me as a trophy. Something delightful and worthy of care, but never heard,
Imagine your life going forward taking each person, moment, and time with God at the ‘word’ of that encounter. Each time we hear God’s voice, the weight given to His breathing on our spirits being tantamount. In our interaction with friends and loved ones, their communication with us becoming beautiful in its weighty simplicity.
Face value, me taking your words as meaning exactly what you say.
In living this moment, taking each breath at its face value of one being pregnant with promise, I step that much more into the possibility of His Presence.
Here is to taking life, love, and each others’ words as meaning exactly what they do, in fact, mean.
This often will cause me pain as I may hear something I don’t like at all. But I would so much rather live in a piercing reality of love and intimacy, than distance myself in a numbed state of what remains tidy and demure.
Perhaps I should warn you, with this revelation, don’t tell me something you don’t mean, for I will have taken you at your word.
To words, Nuanced. Literal. Non-verbal. Written. Spoken. Pure. Unadulterated.